We'd rather gnaw off our own hand...

Original Message – From: Phil – To: WHQ – Subject: DOGG

Hi WHQ, Chester from my office suggested I hit you.
Apparently you’ve had dialog before, so we reckon you’ll be in on this. I have Snoop Dogg Live @Kendal Calling Aug 02.
We’re looking for an after show, with him performing as DJ Snoopadelic.
Hit me back if its of interest, lets jump on a call so I can explain the expectations from him.

Kind regards, Phil

Original Message – From: WHQ – To: Phil – Subject: Re: DOGG

Nah, you’ve got us totally wrong mate & there is no point in us speaking on the phone…

WHQ Club is the polar opposite in terms of the positive, progressive image of Black Music we wish to portray, nurture & promote here.

The ‘bitches’, ‘niggers’, ‘how big my ride is’ waffle Snoop Dogg peddles, is the exact kind of vacuous tripe we set our Club up to counteract.

We doubt very much whether Snoop’s ‘expectations’ would include dealing with an independent racially harmonic Club such as ours…

We see through all the negative, materialistic, violence glamourising, female disrespecting, recently repackaged cod Reggae & faux Hip Hop nonsense he hawks about.

All whilst squandering his undoubted celebrity, power & influence, solely on keeping young & easily impressed kids backwardly sexist & cripplingly stoned, because he is so famous, so cool (Editor’s note: debateable) & just so MTV.

To folks like us, it’s an Emperor’s new clothes of a job mate, so with the greatest respect…

Thanks for getting in touch & good luck with it, but we’d never get our Club involved with any show like that & as you may have now gathered – we can barely contain our disinterest.

Best wishes, WHQ.

Snoop Cartoon

Let’s now lighten the mood a little with this cute cartoon, to make us all pause for a moment & then, we shall partake in some some ultra high quality, Snoop related, festive humour…

Snoop xmas dinner table joke

You tell it to your little brother or sister when you are having your turkey / veggie burger / round the table, at dinner time on Xmas day.

Wait til you’ve all had a few jars, everyone feels great & festive spirits are running high..!

Perhaps you haven’t seen them for a while..? Xmas is great for that – Catching up.

(All you require to execute this folly is a game face & a terrible West Coast, LA Homie-style vocal impression)

Ok, you ready..?

Ha! Right, go fetch that little Xmas tinker & let’s all be kids again…

You: (in a calm & totally normal voice) ‘You got any Updog..?’

Little Sis or Bro: ‘Eh..?’ 

You: (slower… again, in a calm & totally normal voice) ‘Have you got any Updog..?’

Little Sis or Bro: ‘Eh..? Errr…What’s Updog…?’

(Editors’s note: Now instantly stand bolt upright at the table & slip right into a loud, pretendie, lazy LA drawl, swiftly adopting all standard, faux-R&B hand gestures & the skunked up knee wobble, of a low panted, semi Hip Hop, pot addled loon…)

You: (Turn it on now, nice & rowdy!)

‘YO MAN..! You Tell me What’s up DOOOGGGG!!! Whatssssup!!! Hey my Dhogggg, tell me now..! What’s up..?! Yo’ Mamma, Tu Pac, Hip Hop etc., etc…! What’s up DOOOGGGG???!!!..!’

(There will now be an extended moment, as your whole family hold their breath, whilst you flay your arms about, slowly riding an imaginary pony...)

Little Sis or Bro: ‘Errr… Are you actually real..?!’

(Short pause, cue hilarious laughter..!!)

.

So there you have it…

It’s over in an instant & an oldie but still a goodie, so please consider it as our gift to you – for your Xmas dinner table x.

This is you, doing it on Xmas day…

Here are the hand gestures you will require…

We love stuff like that whole Updog caper. It is almost on a par with this little belter…

The ultimate knock-knock joke

Knock Knock… Who’s there..?

Alick.

Alick who..?

A lick me bum when there’s no toilet paper..! Ha!

Who's the doggy