Come and have a go if you think...

Here we will post some of the correspondence we get sent from time to time & our responses to it. We often alter the titles of e mails that people send us when we reply, but only if we think they’re being a bit silly & need a reality check.

We’ll also post other communications we get sent, if we think they have got something of interest in them, that we reckon you may enjoy sharing in, or if they highlight how we deal in interactions with the authorities.

We’ll put some of the really nice stuff we get sent to us from time to time too, so it is not all just moaning on…

We’ve added images where we feel it is appropriate, with rib-tickling rollover captions, to break the text up & add more context.

Every word you read on this site is true & thus every word you see on Complaint Corner, is exactly as we received & replied to the original e mails.

(obviously minus the pictures, cartoons, odd burst of humourous ‘chaptering’, Editor’s Notes & the occasional ‘Readers Voice….’)

We don’t edit anything anyone said & we post it on this page exactly as it went down & was spelled, punctuated etc.

Saving the blushes

The only bit we alter, is to change the names of people who appear on here, in case they make a bit of an arse of themselves…

This is because although we want to share some of the mad stuff we get sent with you, our Clubmonkey chums, we don’t want to publicly, or inadvertently ‘out’ anyone arsey, be that as a Sphincter, Colon,  Rectum, or in extreme cases… Wrinkled, Balloon-Knot.

People’s egos can be easily bruised though & making people unhappy is not our deal – So we strive to ensure we do the exact opposite…

This way, hopefully seeing their daft words said back to them with our pictures & captions etc added, will give our complainants a retrospective laugh at themselves too.

We think people in general are way too uptight these days & need to be able to get over themselves see the funny side of their own egos sometimes…

Especially in mainstream Clubland & even more so in the world of the media.

Our quest with CC is simply to highlight that & spread a few giggles, without anyone but us & the knacker who wrote the e mail complaint / hustle / knowing it was sent by them (unless they choose to reveal that themselves).

That way no one loses an eye, no animals are killed etc., etc. & even badly bruised egos can always heal – in private.

You know us, this caper is super real & you can’t do something as left field & utterly daft as CC, without taking responsibility for the possible consequences.

We don’t expect it will start a new trend or anything (Reader’s voice: You don’t say..?!)

Let’s face it, we very much doubt that could happen in this modern, ‘consumer is king’ society. But that doesn’t matter to us one banana…

You are communicating with World Headquarters

The big leisure company Dinosaurs all employ their ‘Yes Madame..! Certainly Sir..!!!’ personas, to protect their public image & bottom line.

As they don’t care about young promoters, young promoters don’t care about them, so they don’t have a Crew, or have any contribution to make in moving the city forward or, genuinely including the people who live here.

All they wanna do is graze on what’s in their pockets, so they gotta  hire more agile, PR Lizards to manufacture them a false, constructed ‘Brand Image’ so they can do that.

You know those Bars & places, patronisingly called after places in London, when they have no connection with it, or called something like ‘Frankie’s Bar,’ when Frankenstein has never even worked there – totally fake.

An elaborate illusion, a passion free, paid for, charlatan’s brand image – that’s what gives them the essential camouflage that they need, to be able to suck in all those mainstream orange people & navigate the nightlife jungle.

Pretending all the time & offering something to people that isn’t even them..!

Lordy..! Sounds like one hell of a job doesn’t it..?! Being liars in the name of capitalism…

Yeah, well we’ll just swerve that one thank you…

Let’s just be real & consistent instead.

(Readers’voice, yes WHQ, let’s do that, please continue, you are making…

You only live once, so you might as well do it in a way which means, that when you get older, knowing you did your best, you can feel free – As you look back & laugh about it all for a second time…

… complete sense..!)

So we just chill, high up in the trees, chucking soft ripe fruit, at assorted grumbling little gibbons, who can hopefully laugh along with us – when that same ripe, sweet fruit splats..!

Right on their big, fat, self important heads…

Ok, we all got that..?

Then let’s just give that little  arrow a click…