NEXT YEAR YOU'RE GETTING EATEN PAL...

Looks a bit like a young Johnny Rotten photoed moments after a large, warm courgette was inserted deep into his rectal cavity... His bloodwork is poor & the scab on his head looks like it was made from leftover bits of Greggs pasty. The most memorable part of his look are his outstanding teeth, which we believe may be natural...? Having discussed this effort with our Halloween Committee of experts, we've decided to release an official decree. We are issuing this to encourage him to apply some red contact lenses next year & simply come back as an authentic albino. Then we can all join in & hunt him down, bind his hands & feet together (with rope), fillet him & grind his bones to a powder... Which we can then all sniff - to give us a nice, firm & irrepressible horn...